First thing I should say is that I am a bitch, I really am. I don't care for most people and the people I care about, I usually end up hurting or pushing away. Which is all very well if you're an angsty 15 year old with a penchant for black lipstick and Kurt Cobain, but I grew up from that a long time ago. Sadly, my temperament didn't grow with me, and I am so sick of it.
I'm selfish to the point of acute pain for my boyfriend and mother, I never do what I should, but only what I want to do. Not even getting into the fact that I've attempted college twice and dropped out both times, I've never had a job. Perhaps some of you may wonder why. The first reason, or rather excuse, that came to mind is that I'm lazy. If I poke a little more, I realise that the real reason is that I'm totally and utterly terrified of other people and their opinions of me. This is something that I vehemently deny to anyone who will listen to me, so really only Timmy, my boyfriend, and Cliona, my best friend. (Cliona being my ex girlfriend too, but more on that later)
So, in summery I am a cold, distant person who through her own fear of inadequacy and failure, refuses closeness to people and any degree of success in her own life. So, not the upstanding member of society I should be.
As the last months of my teenage years draw ever nearer to a close, I am desperately trying to reassess these deep rooted errors, and challenge myself to change the aspects of myself I am none too happy with.
Where to start?! Suggestions anyone?
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